Wednesday, October 13, 2004
~ Am I a FAILURE?? ~
8:10:00 pm
Had my retest on practical skills (airway management) today... I passed... Usually, people who passed would feel relieved, happy, all the positive emotions... But instead I cried... Yes I cried... People would have guessed that I failed... *Weird ain't I?*... The reason I cried:
I felt that I wasn't competent enough... The one that I did on was a dummy... But can you imagine if
that was a real patient? The patient would have DIED!! The skills lecturer who assessed me said that all of us are going to graduate in approximately 6 months' time... Seriously and HONESTLY, I'm not ready to graduate... I'm not yet ready to face the
real working world... *Sigh*...
Usually I would study for my tests all for the sake of passing... I don't really care about the after-consequences later on... As long as I passed, it doesn't matter anymore... So when the lecturer was giving feedback about my assessment, I felt as though I did a very bad job, when in fact I really did even though I had all my steps right... And I just couldn't hold back my tears... The lecturer was like telling me, "You're a big girl. You shouldn't cry."... And she made me promise her that I would do better when I'm out there... Seriously, not many lecturers give me a huge impact when it comes to academic and skills... But I want to be a better nurse... I don't wanna be a failure...
written, NaDiaH eRNiYaNTi
